Plans for the 2028 Brisbane Olympics are so far advanced, the Games are ready to be held in the Queensland capital 13 years ahead of schedule.
“We could hold the 2028 Olympics tomorrow,” beamed Brisbane Lord Mayor Graham Quirk.
Lord Mayor Quirk said that Australia’s third biggest city already had all the sporting facilities necessary for the Olympics and just needed some Olympic athletes to show up.
“I’m pleased to announce the groundsmen at the Roma Street Parklands have marked out the chalk lines for the Olympic athletic events.”
“We’ve hung up the beach volleyball net at South Bank and the CityCycle bikes are basically unused.”
“And, as luck would have it, the Brisbane City Council has just refurbished the facilities at the Newmarket Olympic Pool.”
The Lord Mayor said that even the Opening Ceremony was ready to go.
“The giant Matilda kangaroo from the 1982 Commonwealth Games is parked at a servo at Gympie. We just have drive it down the Bruce Highway on the day.”
“And of course we’ll get Brisbane schoolkids to do some cute stuff at the ceremony.”
“I’m thinking a tribute to Brisbane legends like Wally Lewis, Powderfinger and the breakfast radio team at 97.3 FM.”
“B City” status threatens Brisbane Olympics bid
The only problem facing the Brisbane organisers at this stage is the International Olympic Committee, which is yet to award the 2028 Games to anyone.
IOC watchdog Nate Carmichael warns that Brisbane could miss out on hosting the Olympics because of alphabetical interests.
“There are powerful people within the IOC who think it’s too soon to award the Summer Olympics to another city starting with B.”
“We’ve already had Berlin, Barcelona and Beijing host the Summer Olympics.”
“To give the 2028 Olympics to Brisbane could be seen as insensitive, when cities starting with C, D or, especially, Z have never had a turn.”
But Lord Mayor Quirk was quick to respond.
“We’re happy to change our name to Zbrisbane – or better still, to XXXX Brisbane – if this helps bring the Olympic Games to our wonderful New World City.”
What else could Brisbane do to secure the 2028 Olympic Games? Leave a comment below!
The Tunnel are satire writers from Brisbane. For more of our stories, click HERE.
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