The Abbott government has announced the next step in its Direct Action climate change strategy. Having abolished the wasteful and temperature-raising Climate Commission, Environment Minister Greg Hunt said that the government’s next target was fruit labelling.
“One of the biggest problems faced by the planet are those annoying little stickers on apples,” announced Mr Hunt at a press conference at Stanthorpe. “They are hard to peel off, they stick to the floor and, if you’re not careful, you can eat them. Yuk!”
Mr Hunt said that the abolition of apple stickers would “hopefully” reduce Australia’s greenhouse emissions “by a lot”. As well as saving the lives of thousands of trees, Mr Hunt said the move would acknowledge the progress Australians have made in recognising fruit.
“I find it insulting that someone out there thinks that we still need stickers to tell the difference between a Pink Lady and a Red Delicious apple. Australians are not fools and do not need to be told what they are swallowing.”
Mr Hunt then impressed the assembled press by identifying 15 different varieties of apple.
Greens leader Christine Milne has supported the government’s announcement, saying that the application of labels to anything was ideologically repugnant. However, she urged the government to extend its Direct Action plan to the labelling of other fruit, including oranges.
“Navel oranges are the ones with the holes like a belly button at the bottom,” said Ms Milne. “That’s why they’re called navels.”
Acting Opposition Leader Chris Bowen said that the Labor Party would not support any extension of the government’s de-labelisation plan at this stage, saying that it was foolish to compare apples with oranges.