ABC managing director Mark Scott has apologised for the accidental release of individual salary information to The Australian newspaper.
Staff and members of the public have been outraged that the ABC salaries leaked to the media include those for personalities on the high-rating children’s television channel ABC Kids.
The previously confidential information about the ABC Kids individual salaries includes the following shocking revelations.
Jimmy Giggle : Derided by critics for perpetuating the myth that you can see stars through the dark side of the moon, Giggle is the highest paid ABC Kids – and ABC TV – identity, receiving a cool $1.5 million annually.
Hoot : In comparison, Giggle’s loyal (and some would say more talented) sidekick earns a mere $25 per hour and a weekly box of owl snacks.
Hootabelle : With her love of purple – the international colour of feminism and yet another indicator of the ABC’s left wing bias – Hootabelle has shattered the glass ceiling and reduced the gender pay gap. Her salary of $100 per hour and 2 boxes of owl snacks per week blows her co-star Hoot out of the water.
Dirt Girl : Unashamed climate change activist Dirt Girl pulls in $167,000 annually in a revelation that won’t do much for her “hippie enviro-warrior” image.
Sportacus : Anti-obesity campaigner and the ABC’s highest profile sports personality, the LazyTown star earns more than twice as much as anyone else in the ABC Sports Department, with a wage of $40,000 per year.
Peppa Pig : Daughter of well-known British conservatives Mummy and Daddy Pig, Peppa is paid a seemingly paltry $100 per year by the ABC. However, her share of Peppa Pig merchandise from the ABC Shop is in the millions.
Big Ted : The former mainstay of ABC stalwart program Play School, Big Ted’s fortunes have diminished with age. Big Ted’s current wage of $250,000 is half that of younger colleague Little Ted.
Little Ted : The up and coming next big thing, Little Ted is on the path to stardom with a Play School spinoff Little Ted’s Big Adventure and more projects in the pipeline. Tipped to be Tony Jones’ successor on Q&A, Little Ted’s salary is listed as $500,000.
The Tunnel are satire writers from Queensland, Australia.