The Big Day Out at Gold Coast Parklands was once again marred by a small but vociferous group of music lovers.
“There’s always a minority who make things difficult for everyone,” a spokesman for the organisers said.
“What these people have got to understand is that the Big Day Out is not a music festival. It is, and always has been, an opportunity for young people to get together as a community, wear the Flag and get off their tits.”
Typical of this year’s problems was an ugly scene at the festival’s main stage in which a group of music lovers attempted to stop the crowd heckling the performance of Angus and Julia Stone.
“That sort of stuff just ruins the day for everyone,” said the spokesman.
“People have paid good money to tell those dirty hippies to cut their hair and play some rock and roll. If there is actually someone out there who likes Angus and Julia Stone’s music, they should listen to it at home and stay out of the way of the rest of us.”
The organisers say they are dealing with the issue as best they can.
“As an organisation, we’ve always tried to discourage music lovers attending.”
“For starters, we hold the thing at the Gold Coast, which should be a clear enough sign that this is not a cultural event. We’ve also made the tickets as expensive as possible and we’ve made drinks even dearer.”
“This year, we’ve even resorted to programming acts like Rammstein who, let’s face it, are a fireworks show, not a band.”
Despite this, the organisers admit that, like the cane toad, the music lover may be here to stay.
“In hindsight, we made a rock for our own backs by letting bands play in the first place. The rationale was that kids love getting drunk to loud music. It’s always been about the kids and the drinking, never the music.”
“Nobody likes music lovers. Let’s face it, music lovers are whingers. They whinge about programming, they whinge about band clashes, they whinge about there not being enough toilets. Don’t they understand this is all meant to keep them away?”
“Give me a good Aussie kid any day. Someone who can stand in the boiling sun all afternoon, drink $10 beers with a smile on their dial and have the commonsense to know that anything that casts a shadow is a toilet.”
We can all drink to that.
The Tunnel are satire writers from Australia. For more of our stories, click HERE.
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