Campbell Newman has said that nothing sinister should be drawn from his government’s decision to name Brisbane’s new underground transit tunnel the BaT Tunnel.
In particular, Mr Newman denied that Batman was alive and well and living in Brisbane.
“I want to assure the people of Brisbane that Batman is dead,” said the Premier. “He will not save you this time. Your city is all mine!”
Batman’s connection with Brisbane goes back to the 1990s, when the State Law Building was erected.
With a design imported from Gotham City, the building housed the state’s best crime fighters and was funded by a donation from overseas billionaire industrialist, Bruce Wayne.
Since then, Brisbane had developed a reputation as one of the safest (and most boring) cities in the world. It was widely assumed that this was due to Batman.
In 2008, Brisbane’s ties with the Caped Crusader were formalised, with the Brisbane City Council announcing that Gotham City would become a sister city.
However, since the rise of the LNP government in 2012, the citizens of Brisbane have been insulted and intimidated and Batman is nowhere to be seen.
On the first anniversary of his ascent to power, Premier Newman provocatively told the media, “If Batman was still alive, he surely would have stopped me by now.”
Despite Mr Newman’s insistence that the BaT Tunnel’s name comes from the acronym “Bus and Train”, conspiracy theories are rife. Many people fear that the BaT Tunnel will be used as an underground prison for Batman and anyone else who dares oppose the LNP.
“Something’s clearly going on because no one uses the tunnels we already have,” wrote one impassioned (and anonymous) letter writer to the Courier-Mail.
“Premier Newman has already driven the voices of reason underground. We need to stop this villain from locking up people underground as well.”
The Tunnel are satire writers from Queensland. For more stories, click HERE.