Campbell Newman announces five point plan to deal with MPs’ pay

Queensland Premier Campbell Newman has announced that he will take decisive action to deal with the recent 42% pay rise for members of state parliament.

“Like anyone would be, I was outraged to return from holidays and learn that I am now being paid as much as Barack Obama,” said Mr Newman. “Although my LNP government has no choice but to implement these lawful pay rises, I want to promise the people of Queensland that I have a plan to deal with the issue.”

Mr Newman announced a five point plan as follows.

1.  The Newman government will set up a Truth and Reconciliation Tribunal, which will hear public apologies from highly-paid state MPs. This process will allow MPs and ordinary Queenslanders to put the hurt and outrage of the pay rises behind them.

2.  The government will pass legislation so that the 42% pay rises are not backdated before 1 July 2013. This will ensure that the pay rises go predominantly to LNP MPs and not to the former Labor MPs who outrageously (but lawfully) increased current pay levels.

3.  The government will ceaselessly campaign for other world leaders (including Barack Obama) to have their pay increased by 42%. Once successful, this will bring the pay of Queensland state MPs back to a reasonable level on a world scale.

4.  Mr Newman will personally sack the public servants who were in any way responsible for this pay outrage.

5.  Mr Newman will sack some more public servants to ensure that this sort of outrage never happens again.