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Campbell Newman pledges zero tolerance towards monsters

6
  • by The Tunnel
  • — 30 Oct, 2013

Premier Campbell Newman has promised to protect Queenslanders by taking a zero tolerance approach to monsters of all kinds.

Under powerful new laws, any monster – or any person or thing suspected of being a monster – can be detained by Queensland police for up to 48 hours without a warrant.

“Now that the bikies have been dealt with, monsters are next,” said Mr Newman. “Monsters have always scared me and I know they’ve scared a lot of Queenslanders. It’s time to send a message to all the monsters out there. Enough is enough.”

Mr Newman said that the zero tolerance crackdown would commence immediately.

“I’ve instructed the police to arrest any monsters they see on the streets after dark. Sex monsters, cookie monsters, vampires, werewolves, I don’t care. I just want Queensland to be a safe place where children can walk around at night without being set upon.”

The Queensland Police Union has called for additional police to enforce the monster crackdown, particularly as the new laws will commence on the same day as Halloween.

Monsters


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Tags: Campbell Newmanhalloweenpolice

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6 Comments

  1. mummywifeme says:
    October 31, 2013 at 6:40 am

    Very funny 🙂

  2. ann says:
    October 31, 2013 at 9:26 am

    Loved it!!

  3. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says:
    October 31, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I can’t wait to see what monsters lurk around our house tonight!!

  4. Tegan Churchill says:
    October 31, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    I hope Agro has gone into hiding!

  5. Rachel says:
    November 2, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    Oh god I’d forgotten about Agro! We totally accepted him at the time but when you think about him now he was one weird-ass puppet.

  6. Rachel says:
    November 2, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    Just out of curiosity, what qualifies one as a sex monster? Do you have to be good at, it or just prolific? Definitional accuracy is important I think.

    Either way I’m pleased that the public safety of Queenslanders is in the floppy looking, be-skivvied arms of Campbell Newman. But one does wonder – when will dear Campbell face the monster that lives within himself?

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