Responding to increased public pressure, the Abbott government announced today that Australia would take in an additional 12,000 Syrian refugees this year, with special priority given to fiscally conservative Christians named Tony.
“It is important we help those most in danger,” said a spokesperson from the Prime Minister’s office.
“We will thus largely restrict our intake to fiscally conservative, Christian Syrian refugees named Tony.”
Government frontbenchers, like Foreign Affairs Minister Julie Bishop, have welcomed the announcement.
“Christian fiscal conservatives named Tony have been under attack for years,” she said.
“And the situation has just gotten worse with the chaos and conflict of ISIS.”
The Prime Minister’s office has stated that the increased intake of fiscally conservative, Christian Syrian refugees named Tony demonstrates Australia’s commitment to solving the international refugee crisis.
“This is a good day for Australia. And for Tonys everywhere.”
The Tunnel are satire writers from Queensland, Australia.