Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced a major new government policy to fight Australia’s ice epidemic – the Coalition’s climate change policy.
“Ice is one of the biggest problems facing Australia today. The Coalition climate change policy announced last week is the biggest commitment to stopping the scourge of ice.”
“By warming the planet we make the production and distribution of ice almost impossible,” said Mr Abbott.
“By supporting the environment, Labor and the Greens are soft on crime.”
Coalition climate change policy to replace non-climate policies
Mr Abbott went on to declare that the Coalition’s climate change policy would also be replacing a range of other policies.
“The Coalition climate change policy is now also our border protection policy – increased temperatures increase extreme weather events, which makes coming to Australia by boat almost impossible.”
“It is also our policy for getting more women into Parliament.”
“With more extreme weather events, more Australian men will be needed for rural fire authorities and ambulance services. We’ll need more doctors, more police, more soldiers and more SES volunteers.”
“Which means women will be freed up to take on less manly roles, like politics.”
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