In the lead-up to the 2013 Federal election, The Tunnel’s team of guest bloggers will be providing regular review and analysis of the campaign so far.
Today, former ALP candidate for Forde, Des Hardman, writes about being the warm-up man for Peter Beattie.
It’s hard being a super stud.
When you’re a big star, when everyone wants a piece of you, you need someone to help you out sometimes.
With horses, the big stallions don’t spend time with the mares they breed with. Instead some little guy does all the hard work and gets the mares excited. Then the stallion breezes in when it’s time to finish things up. And the poor little guy – the teaser pony – is led away unfulfilled.
Hi. My name is Des. I’m from Queensland and I’m here to help.
You might have seen my name and face on signs as the Labor candidate for Forde. You might have got worked up and even a little bit excited. You might even have thought about voting for me.
I got a call from the party this week to thank me for my efforts during the campaign so far. Right then I knew I was stuffed.
In the political game, losers get thanked, winners get congratulated.
I’d worked the electorate well, they told me. I’d made the public want a Labor victory, they said. And now Peter Beattie was going to come in and finish things off.
I’m here to help, I said.
I’ve got nothing against Peter Beattie. He’s a local, after all. He’s lived in the area for days and been visiting his brother here for years. He could have run for Governor of California on that basis but instead he chose Forde. We should feel honoured.
Especially as Peter didn’t even want to run. Apparently his wife didn’t want him to run either. Nor does half the public. It shows you how devoted to the cause Peter is. What a great bloke. And guess what? He’s from Queensland and he’s here to help.
Just like me. But better. Obviously.
I guess it could have been worse. I could have been like Ken Davies in 1996.
Poor Ken actually made it to election day and won the seat of Mundingburra. But then a court said they had to hold the vote again. And so the party said, “Thanks for your efforts during the campaign, Ken, but we might field a different candidate in the re-run.”
Imagine that. You win the seat and next minute you aren’t even the candidate. From congratulations to thanks in a heartbeat.
It’s been a pleasure getting to know the voters of Forde.
But what does it matter what I think? I was just the teaser pony.
It’s Peter Beattie who’s gonna screw you.