In a bid to arrest falling attendances, Cricket Australia has re-tweaked its domestic Twenty20 competition. “The Big Bash is so 2012,” said Cricket Australia spokesman, Peter Young. “If we want our competition to remain relevant to kids, we need to present it in a cooler, hipper way.”
To that end, each of the competition’s eight franchises has been re-branded. In a move sure to promote cross-town rivalry, the Sydney teams will now be called the Inner Sydney Nurture and the Western Bogan Nature.
“There’s no bigger rivalry that Nature versus Nurture,” said Young. “Kids will be familiar with both from school and I’m sure there will be a lot of arguments about which will come out on top.”
The two Victorian sides hope to evoke an even greater rivalry.
“The Melbourne Hood Bloods and the Kanye West Geelong Crips will exude the sort of urban grit that T20 fans are after,” said Young. “Kids love gangs and the graffiti tag motifs that both sides are adopting will go down like a pack of St Kilda streetwalkers. Word!”
Meanwhile, the Hobart-based Van Diemen Boethians will be the thinking person’s T20 side, said Young. “The fact that the Boethians are only recruiting players with an IQ over 120 should inspire kids to study harder and means Mike Hussey will never have to put up with substandard dressing room conversation again.”
Young also has high hopes for the other new outfits, the Perth Penetration and Adelaide Schmadelaide. Only one of the new sides has an eye on the past. The consortium behind the Brisbane T20 franchise, Queensland Palestine, admit that their controversial moniker is a defiant plea that one day they might get their beloved state back.