In the lead-up to the 2013 Federal election, The Tunnel’s team of guest bloggers will be providing their personal insights into the contest.
Today, we hear from website operator and (soon to be disendorsed) Liberal candidate for Charlton, Kevin Baker.
It’s been a very busy election campaign.
Across the nation politicians have been trading barbs and it’s no different here in Charlton.
(Unless by trading barbs, you mean sticking hot X$%[email protected] up each other’s %$#!)
The important issues in our local campaign are similar to those being talked about around Australia: cost of living pressures and universal access to tit banter.
When I go for door knockers (hehehehe!) in my electorate, when I go twisting people’s knobs (gaffohre!), people tell me they are feeling the pressure…
IN THEIR PANTS!
But seriously, people in this electorate are fed up with the waste and mismanagement by this current government.
You only have to look at Labor’s record.
(If we only used rubbers we wouldn’t be in labor!)
You only have to look at their reckless spending on things like the pink bits roofing insulation scheme.
(HA, see what I did there?)
And the school whores program.
People are sick of Labor’s turmoil and their looking for a warm pair of hands.
(You know, a warm pair of hands? So you can… you know… grab boobs?)
People are sick of Labor’s spin and are looking for something real. Like me.
I’m just an average bloke who you can go to the pub with and have a few beers with and talk about the important national issues.
Like, how many screws are there in lesbian houses?
None – they’re all made of tongue and groove!
You know, jokes like that. That’s what people want.
And that’s what I’ll be doing between now and the erection.
I will be working HARD to become your local MEMBER.
I just really want to get into the lower house.
You know, LOWER house!
But anyway. Enough of me.
Did you hear the one about Julie Bishop and the Pope?