In the lead-up to the 2013 Federal election, The Tunnel’s team of guest bloggers will be providing regular review and analysis of the campaign so far.
Today, our MasterChef correspondent recaps what’s been cooking in the kitchen.
Last night was time for another group challenge. The contestants were split into the traditional Red and Blue teams and had five weeks to cook up a government.
Matt, George and Garry explained tonight’s challenge was something special and that every moment was precious. They then spent 19 minutes explaining that tonight’s competition was a real game-changer and whoever won tonight would certainly have established themselves as tonight’s winner.
They also explained that whoever came second would indeed not be the winners and would have in fact lost the challenge. Matt went on to further unpack this by explaining that this would make them losers, at least until the next election challenge when the whole process would repeat again.
The teams lost no time in picking a team captain. Tony won the vote to lead the Blue team by one. They immediately got to work on their appetisers of three-word slogans and main course of Our Plan: Real Solutions for All Australians stew.
Dessert wasn’t so successful. One of the Blue team had trouble following the recipe for the Stop The Boats soufflé. He could only identify one ingredient and just kept adding it over and over, hoping for the best.
If things were looking grim for the Blue team, they were worse on the other side of the kitchen. The Red team couldn’t settle on a leader and kept swapping. There was chaos as recipes were constantly changed and revised. Eventually Kevin took the (Therese) Reins of the Red team and things suddenly started coming together.
When George announced the teams only had four and a half weeks left, panic started to set in. Tony lamented to camera: “We’ve only got four and a half weeks and I hadn’t even got around to whipping up a policy yet.”
After a shambolic start, the Red team and Kevin had a whole pile of policies in the oven but most of them were only half-baked.
As the clock continued to count down, everyone was distracted when Rupert Murdoch started shouting instructions to the Blue team from the balcony. Someone from the One Nation Team was also up there shouting something about not having anything against Islam as a spice, they just didn’t like it in a curry. No one was sure why.
With the Blue team starting to look in control, two things suddenly happened. Joe Hockey couldn’t find the hundreds and thousands and popular winner of MasterChef 2006, Peter Beattie, raced in at the last minute to help out the Red team.
With no clear winner in sight, it seemed that Masterchef was the real winner.