As the year draws to a close, the thoughts of everyone – including our politicians – turn to Christmas.
This festive season we share with you our favourite politicians Christmas cards.
Queensland Premier Campbell Newman to his state LNP MPs:
Apologies for the pro forma Christmas card but there are a lot of you. (Unlike Annastacia Palaszczuk, it’s not like I can know all the names of my MPs!)
Thanks for being a member of the Newman government and for standing behind me during another parliamentary year.
And thanks for saying nothing at all, especially when asked questions by those ingrates at the Courier-Mail.
2014 has been a year of great achievement for me. And for this, you should be proud.
As there is a state election next year, this will be the last Christmas card a lot of you will get from me.
But don’t panic!!! Our polling says I’ll still win Ashgrove so the state is in safe hands.
Best of luck always
Tony Abbott to the Coalition party room:
2014 has been a year of
And obviously a year of
scary as hell
(But not leadership challenges. Right, Julie?)
What’s important is that Peta tells me – and therefore you – that the government is heading in the right direction.
May 2015 be as good as 2014
May 2015 be good
May 2015 might be as long as I last as PM so please be obedient until then.
yours in responsible and stable government
Education Minister Christopher Pyne to the university students of Australia:
Hey you lot,
Christmas is a special three-month period when the students of Australia reflect upon the criminally short university year that has just passed.
If you’ve learnt anything this year, it should be that you’re not paying enough money for your courses.
And that your curriculum (do you even know what a Latin word like that means?) is ideologically unsound and politically correct bunkum.
Merry Christmas, guys, and for God’s sake get a job real soon.
p.s. By the way, none of these education reforms are my fault! The Prime Minister’s Office totes makes me do everything! Please vote for me, dudes!!! Pretty plzzzzzz!!
Clive Palmer to The Australian newspaper:
See you in court in 2015 and for the rest of your sad f***ing life.
Immigration Minister Scott Morrison to the families of Manus Island:
My fellow unAustralians,
Christmas is a time when Australians come together and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, who was born in a stable because no one would give his parents a place to stay.
Australia is one of the most compassionate countries in the world so this Christmas we have all given you a place to stay.
And even better, I present you the gift of temporary protection visas.
To everyone on Manus Island, regardless of your faith, we wish you all a happy and holy Christmas and a joyful 2015.
And, to our readers, The Tunnel wishes you all a safe and happy Christmas. Thanks for your support and see you online in 2015!
The Tunnel are satire writers from Australia. For more of our stories, click HERE.
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