The Christmas of one of Australia’s richest men has been haunted by a phantom calling itself Tony Abbott.
Malcolm Ebenezer Turnbull says the Tony Abbott ghost first appeared to him in a dream.
“I’m a rich and powerful man and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved,” says Turnbull.
“But one night the ghost of Tony Abbott appeared before me and shrieked and shrieked that I was a contemptible human being.”
Turnbull says that things then got even scarier.
“This Tony Abbott phantom took me by the hand and showed me what Australia would be like if he was still in charge.”
“It was horrifying.”
Turnbull says the phantom ranted insanely about himself and didn’t know when to stop.
“The Tony Abbott monster said he would have stopped all terrorist attacks by Muslims and that only Christians would have been allowed to bomb people.”
“He said he would have made damn sure a woman didn’t ride the Melbourne Cup winner.”
“And he went on and on about how he would have won the next Federal election against Ben Chifley.”
A rattled Turnbull says he has continued to be haunted by the Tony Abbott phantom since waking.
“I keep seeing this crazy creature everywhere. It’s horrible. This can’t be happening.”
But spurred on by his terrifying experience, Turnbull has vowed to change his ways for good.
“I was going to increase the GST to 15% but not any more.”
“Now I’m going to give Christmas presents to every child and I’m sending Joe Hockey to America.”
“And I’m giving the rest of my money to the CSIRO so they can develop a time machine to ensure all Australians are spared from Tony Abbott ever existing.”
The Tunnel are satire writers from Australia. For more of our stories, click HERE.
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