As any dog racing aficionado can tell you, all self-respecting Australian greyhounds have the word “Bale” in their name.
It’s a convention of the sport, just like how pizzas (regardless of size) are called “large” and why every sort of hotel accommodation is described as “quality”.
Here then, for those of you who are not already too baleful about the Queensland election, is The Tunnel’s guide to the key runners.
Can Do Cam Bale (LNP kennel) : Everyone loves the red dog. Whether it is on the movie screen or on the greyhound track, the red dog is assured of a cosy inside run if it starts well. Can Do Cam Bale has started well. Get in the queue if you backed him, punters. And get in the unemployment queue if you’re a Labor-appointed public service head.
Bridal Bale (Family First kennel) : With a black-and-white view of the world that matches its rug, this 100% heterosexual creature will run straight and true. Just a pity that the track (and the world) is round.
Mad Azza Hay Bale (Katter Australia Party) : A passionate country animal that chases the bunny long after the bunny has stopped running around the track. Talked up heavily by its maverick kennel boss. Could surprise.
To Noah Bale (ALP kennel) : Kennel head Anna Bligh insists that this much maligned dog can win again, despite being raced into the ground over the last 20 years. Despite having strong support in the past, punters are likely to look elsewhere this time.
Recycler Bale (Queensland Greens) : Sporting a 100% organic green rug, this flighty creature invariably looks appealing until required to do something. Kennel is renowned for claiming “victory” if one of its runners can finish within 10 lengths of the winner.
Un Elector Bale (Daylight Saving for South East Queensland) : Vexing animal that refuses to give up despite limited success. Has a frustrating habit of arriving at the starting boxes one hour early. Despite claims for popular support, likely to have few backers come race day.