The Australian government has promised to do everything in its power to fight the frightening outbreak of perspective that threatens to infect the country.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott said that television images of terrifying events overseas are a timely reminder to the public that things are just as bad – if not worse – in Australia than anywhere else on the planet.
“I know I am spelling out the obvious,” said Mr Abbott, “but it bears repeating.”
“You are all in danger from terrorists.”
“You are all in danger from the economic crisis.”
“You are all in danger from Ebola.”
“You are all in danger from Islam.”
“The only bigger danger is that you start thinking otherwise.”
Although not wishing to point the finger, Mr Abbott said that luxuries like overseas travel, the internet and the ABC had “infected the commonsense” of a small group of Australians.
To protect the larger population, the Prime Minister said the government would introduce a “red card” system to ensure that troublemakers – such as economics Nobel Laureate, Joseph Stiglitz – could no longer enter the country and infect people with the perspective that things in Australia aren’t that bad.
“There’s no point in importing troublemakers from overseas to stir people up,” said Mr Abbott.
“I urge every Australian to turn in on themselves and let the government deal with everything.”
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