The Russian Parliament is pressing ahead with legislation that it hopes will put an end to so-called “gay propaganda”.
Although human rights campaigners have labelled the move an attack on the rights of sexual minorities, one disgruntled Russian MP has had enough.
“What really angers me is when I hear people saying that the Village People are all gay,” said a fiery Vladimir Globglok.
“That is a lie. I have been to Russian villages and I can tell you that everyone is a 100% macho man. Even the women.”
In support of his assertions, Mr Globglok cited “credible evidence” from a respected BBC program that there is only one gay in villages in certain parts of Wales.
To further bolster the sexuality of its population, Russia has launched an immigration program aimed at luring virile celebrities to the country.
The first star to answer the call is famed French stallion (and now Russian citizen) Gerard Depardieu.
Mr Globglok said the best is yet to come.
“Getting the fat guy from Green Card is just the beginning. Once even bigger studs like Tom Cruise, Hugh Jackman and John Travolta come here, everyone will see, once and for all, that Russia is the least homosexual nation on earth.”