Socceroos coach Holger Osieck has been sacked after a Football Federation Australia investigation discovered that he was not Dutch.
FFA chief executive David Gallop confirmed that Osieck’s contract had been terminated immediately.
“The FFA has a tradition of employing Dutch coaches and we assumed this guy was Dutch too. When we found out he was German, we had no choice but to act.”
Gallop said that the confusion with Osieck’s nationality was the result of his funny name, sexist jokes and dour demeanour.
“If you can tell the difference between a Dutchman and a German, you’re a smarter person than anyone at the FFA.”
Gallop confirmed that the FFA suspected something was amiss when the Socceroos lost two matches 6-0 and the Australian media started raising questions about the team’s “German coach”.
“We confronted Holger and asked him if he was Dutch,” said Gallop. “He said ‘sort of’. We realised then that the nationality issue required a thorough Google search.”
Although Osieck’s German nationality was not grounds for dismissal under his contract, the FFA was able to terminate his employment for breach of its ‘two goal policy’.
“We told Holger at the outset that Australian soccer fans don’t like seeing lots of goals,” said Gallop. “Soccer is about gut-wretching tension and denied pleasure. If you want to see lots of goals, go to an AFL game.”
The FFA hopes to announce a new Dutch coach for the Socceroos shortly.