In our series The Tunnel Talks With… we go head to head with people in the news. This week, The Tunnel talks with high-profile bookmaker and former friend of John Singleton, Tom Waterhouse.
Tunnel: Tom, can we start with More Joyous. What really happened?
Tom: Nothing happened. As I told the stewards, it was a misunderstanding about grammar. I was talking to Andrew Johns and he asked me why More Joyous wasn’t called Joyouser. I told him it was because the horse wasn’t named by an idiot. Joey then pointed out that Singo had named the horse. This painted me into a corner so I said it all seemed a bit off and perhaps More Joyous wasn’t right. This got back to Singo the next day and things hit the fan.
Tunnel: Are things back to normal with you and Singo now?
Tom: I hope so. I certainly still think he’s an idiot.
Tunnel: Why is Singo an idiot?
Tom: Sorry, I mean he’s a punter. Punter, idiot. Same thing.
Tunnel: When you’re not on television every night, what do you do in your spare time?
Tom: I think about what punters want.
Tunnel: And what do they want?
Tom: They want to gamble their hard-earned money or their ill-gotten gains with me.
Tunnel: And why with you? Why not, say, Betfair or Sportsbet?
Tom: Marketing tells me that punters would rather try to outsmart a smug prick with a silver spoon up his arse than outsmart some company logo attached to a jingle.
Tunnel: Do you think that’s why some people want to punch you in the face?
Tom: I hope so. Studies show that violent tendencies correlate well with high risk behaviour. So, yeah, it’s a win-win.
Tunnel: Is that why you smile all the time?
Tom: It’s not a smile. It’s a frown. A really, really good looking frown.
Tunnel: What was it like growing up with a mum who’s Gai?
Tom: My mother’s not gay. I’m sick of the insinuations. Just because Mum used to be an actor doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love my Dad. Next question.
Tunnel: Okay. How do you sleep at night?
Tom: Upside down in the closet. (laughs) That’s a joke, of course. I don’t go to sleep till the sun comes up.
Tunnel: You should wear a cape.
Tom: I’ve thought about it. Marketing spoke to Legal, who then spoke to Dad who told Mum and she said no. That was the end of it. I’ll have another think about it, though.
Tunnel: Can I ask you about some of your favourite things. What’s your favourite race?
Tom: I love every race but my wife would kill me if I didn’t single out Iranians.
Tunnel: Favourite sporting team?
Tom: The North Queensland Cowboys have been really good to us bookies. Even when someone tried to rig a match – like with the Bulldogs penalty goal a few years back – the Cowboys managed to stuff it up and help us out.
Tunnel: Favourite colour?
Tunnel: Favourite number?
Tom: Seven. Million.
Tunnel: Favourite animal?
Tom: A halfback.
Tunnel: Favourite drink?
Tom: Singo. (laughs) You said ‘drunk’, didn’t you?
Tunnel: Favourite piece of advice?
Tom: My granddad Bill Waterhouse once told me, “Always remember, kid. A racehorse is smarter than a punter. Even a bad horse can only lose once a day.” That’s my favourite bit of advice. Either that or “Gamble responsibly.”
Tunnel: Finally, is there something this weekend you’re not keen on?
Tom: Certainly. There’s a couple of short-priced favourites in Brisbane. And Singo, obviously.
Disclaimer: The Tunnel is not affiliated with Tom Waterhouse or tomwaterhouse.com. However, The Tunnel will gladly take a percentage of any punter’s winnings if this money is sent to us in a brown paper bag.