When it comes to digging dirt, nobody does it better than The Tunnel presents…
Although The Courier-Mail has exposed details of the LNP secret files kept on state Labor MPs, they left out the good bits.
In part 1 of our 162 part exclusive, here is the dirt that the LNP hopes will shovel it to power.
The dirt on Premier Anna Bligh:
Flood mitigation and disaster management.
Untying difficult fishing knots.
Grand Master in Togaku Rye Jujitsu.
Pearl earrings suit complexion.
Freshly baked bread (tiger loaf, no sesame seeds).
Has difficulty spelling the word “cinnamon”.
Poor defence against flying reverse spinning kick approaching from the right.
Says “arks” instead of “ask”.
Campbell Newman should avoid hand-to-hand combat with Anna Bligh when media is present. If tensions boil over and a melee does erupt, he should keep his distance and not get drawn into close quarter fighting. It would be wise for Campbell to practice his reverse flying spinning kick in the event of push coming to shove.
The dirt on Kate Jones, Member for Ashgrove:
Reputedly strong zoning defence on left side of netball court (but unproven since semi-final defeat in 1998).
Wet the bed during Grade Two slumber party at house of old school friend.
Fails to reach high notes after second verse when singing along to the A-Ha song “Take On Me”.
Campbell Newman should avoid a one-on-one impromptu game of netball if media contingent is present. Instead, aim for impromptu karaoke sing-off. (Note: Campbell should offer to sing a duet and choose the A-Ha song “Take On Me” where Campbell sings the first verse, forcing Kate to sing the second. Campbell should not laugh when Kate misses the note but instead jump straight in and sing the notes for her. At conclusion of the number, Campbell should clap Kate for ‘trying her best’.)
The Tunnel are satire writers from Australia. For more of our stories, click HERE.
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