The Tunnel goes to the theatre: The Maids @ Sydney Theatre Company

The Tunnel recently attended the Sydney Theatre Company’s production of Jean Genet’s The Maids. We were very excited to be there because the play featured two great actors – Cate Blanchett and Isabelle Huppert – and one who is on the path to becoming great – Elizabeth Debicki. Yet, despite the talent on stage, our night at the theatre was incredibly dull.

To get us through the nearly two hours’ running time (with NO intermission), we started live-tweeting in our heads (STC strictly forbids the use of mobile phones during the play). Which gave us an idea. Why not “live-tweet” the show after the event?

So, for those of you who couldn’t get a ticket – or indeed for those of you who did – here is The Tunnel’s review of The Maids in Twitter form.

  The Tunnel @TheTunnelBris

Welcome to #TheMaids by Jean Genet. Full house tonight. Stage full of flowers and beautiful dresses. Lots of mirrors. But no smoke.

A big screen above the stage. Hopefully it might show the football if things get a bit slow. #TheMaids

#TheMaids begins! Music sounds suspiciously like The Velvet Underground.

Jean Genet was definitely ahead of his time. #TheMaids was written in the 1940s but its got I’ll Be Your Mirror in it!

Cate Blanchett is a maid pretending to be the mistress. Isabelle Huppert is a maid pretending to speak English. #TheMaids

Isabelle Huppert sounds a bit like my French neighbour. And my 3yo daughter. And a muppet (a very French one) #TheMaids

Don’t get me wrong. I like Isabelle Huppert. Whatever she’s saying. #TheMaids

Cate’s diction is much better than Isabelle’s. Except when she tries to say “can’t”. And she says ”can’t” an awful lot. #TheMaids

#TheMaids are smoking cigarettes. It’s official: We have smoke and mirrors!

More talking. Some of it intelligible. Something must happen soon. Surely? #TheMaids

This production of #TheMaids is boring! But Cate Blanchett is in it? How is this possible?

A roomful of theatregoers points the finger at the man from Reykjavik. The Icelandic government must act! #TheMaids

I like it when #TheMaids go to the bathroom. Don’t be filthy! I mean when they go into the rear bathroom and appear on the big screen

It’s surely not good for theatre when the interesting bits are the parts that are like a movie. #TheMaids

#TheMaids are going to poison their mistress with a cup of tea. But first they need to talk about it some more. Where’s the football?

Elizabeth Debicki has arrived as #TheMaids mistress. Suddenly there is some energy on stage. Inspired use of the bench.

Elizabeth might get us through this mess. She’s just like Josh Kennedy. But even taller. #TheMaids

Elizabeth just did a wee and wiped herself with #TheMaids help. Guess they do go to the bathroom after all!

This young Debicki is very good. It’s like the 3 year olds beating the older racehorses. #TheMaids

Gee I wish I was at the races. #TheMaids

Isabelle Huppert has gone to get a taxi. Maybe she won’t be back. #TheMaids

Elizabeth refuses to drink poisoned tea. Hope she is leaving it for Benedict Andrews. #TheMaids

Elizabeth departs. Cate spits at the mirrored wall in disgust. We’re not pleased either. #TheMaids

Isabelle’s back. Cate doesn’t look very happy about it. #TheMaids

No more Elizabeth, I fear. Intensity on stage has immediately dropped again. Sigh. #TheMaids

Cate Blanchett and Isabelle Huppert really should have studied chemistry together. #TheMaids

For God’s sake someone drink the poisoned tea! Drink it!!! #TheMaids

Cate Blanchett is pretending to have died on stage. Isabelle Huppert is doing the real thing over on stage left. #TheMaids

Isabelle Huppert is delivering a very long monologue. #TheMaids

Isabelle Huppert is still speaking. She must be going for a 13 hour filibuster like that Texan senator. #TheMaids

Isabelle finishes speaking. Cate drinks poison tea. Lights out. Relief. #TheMaids

One guy in the audience is so happy #TheMaids is over he’s giving a standing ovation.

The Tunnel gives the 3 points as follows: 3 points to Debicki, 2 points Blanchett, 1 point Huppert. #TheMaids

Here is a review of #TheMaids by @janesoyp that we feel is spot on.

Thanks for watching #TheMaids with us. We’re off into the Friday night downpour for a drink!