In a landmark achievement for the Coalition government, Tony Abbott and Christopher Pyne have qualified for the 2014 Winter Olympics in the synchronised aerials competition.
Ian Chesterton, the Chef de Mission to Sochi 2014, made the announcement today, declaring, “When two athletes perform such a perfect triple backflip with a twist then they just select themselves.”
Mr Chesterton said the selection was in no way influenced by Mr Abbott’s position as patron of the Australian Olympic Committee.
“We went through all that when Kevan Gosper selected his daughter to carry the Olympic Torch in 2000. We’re much better now.”
Prime Minister Abbott was very excited about his national selection.
“It’s a great honour and should be worth a few percentage points in the polls.”
“Of course, we have some work to do. Christopher still has a tendency to go early, but to be honest our biggest concern is with the judges’ expectations. We will need to make it clear that we will perform the stunts we promised to do, not the ones they think we promised to do or even the ones that they wish we had promised to do.”
Mr Pyne was still too busy twisting himself into knots to comment.
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