Tony Abbott has spoken candidly with youth broadcaster Triple J about life after politics.
The interview took place during the Science with Doctor Karl segment, when the former Prime Minister rang in to ask if climate change was actually real.
“Climate change is real,” said Doctor Karl, “and aren’t you Tony Abbott?”
After a lengthy pause, a bashful Abbott replied, “Well, you got one out of two right, Doctor Karl.”
When asked by host Zan Rowe how it felt being deposed as Prime Minister, Mr Abbott revealed “it sucks balls”.
“The night of the spill, I got drunk AF with my squad.”
“Around 2 a.m. I was unfriending everyone on Facebook.”
“But soz, guys, I prefer Snapchat anyway.”
Mr Abbott said that the awesome tunes on Triple J have been keeping him strong.
“I’m big into Meg Mac and Halsey at the mo and listening to shitloads of Kendrick Lamar.”
But Mr Abbott said it was Macklemore and Lewis’s Downtown that was really floating his boat.
“Have you ever felt the warm embrace of the leather seat between your legs?”
“To a cyclist, that’s flipping poetry.”
With more than a little regret, Mr Abbott proclaimed he would have won the next Federal election if he had shown more of his inner Macklemore to the public.
“But whatevs, guys. I’m totes looking forward to hanging out with Margie more.”
“We’re going to watch Netflix and chill.”
The Tunnel are satire writers from Australia.