The Tunnel presents...

(Un)truth and nothing but the (un)truth

  • Home
  • Follow The Tunnel
  • More Satire from The Tunnel
    • Arts & Entertainment
    • Politics
    • Sport
    • World news
    • Brisbane satire
    • Queensland satire
    • Past Headlines
    • In Depth
  • The News in Lego
  • The Tunnel Archives

Tony Abbott’s daughters to play AFL final

4
  • by The Tunnel
  • — 27 Sep, 2013
Tony Abbott's daughters: Hotter than Haim (Image from Wikimedia Commons)

Tony Abbott’s daughters: Hotter than Haim
(Image from Wikimedia Commons)

In a coup for the AFL, Australia’s hottest female act – Tony Abbott’s daughters – will appear live before this weekend’s Grand Final at the MCG.

Fresh from triumphant appearances across the country Louise, Bridget and Frances Abbott will join a stellar pre-match entertainment line-up, which also features Australian rock band Birds of Tokyo playing a footy version of 1927’s Compulsory Hero.

Minister for Women’s Affairs, Tony Abbott, said that the programming of his daughters as pre-match entertainment was “a great step forward for the weaker sex”. Mr Abbott added that it was the first time a group of women had played the AFL Grand Final since Port Adelaide were walloped by 119 points in 2007.

A face off: Este vs Louise (image from Wikimedia Commons)

A face off: Este vs Louise
(image from Wikimedia Commons)

The details of the Abbott daughters’ act remain a tightly kept secret. Although Frances and Bridget are experienced performers – having sung and twerked at the Coalition’s 2013 Federal Election launch – eldest daughter Louise is an unknown quantity on stage.

Internet forums and Twitter are abuzz, however, with rumours that Louise Abbott has mastered a “bass face” freakier than that of Este Haim.

The Abbott patriarch refused to be drawn on that one.

“To be honest, I’m sick of the comparisons between my daughters and Haim.”

“Obviously, they’re both a group of sisters and they both have a lot of sex appeal. But, as far as I know, Haim have never played an AFL Grand Final.”

“Come Saturday, my little girls are going to do something that will make this father – and every man and woman in this country – incredibly excited.”

The Tunnel presents Australian political satire with a Queensland focus. You can find us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter or subscribe to our blog by email.

Tags: AFLdaughtersHaimTony Abbott

You may also like...

  • Junior Soccer FIFA moves Brisbane junior soccer season to Qatar
  • Big Day Out marred by music lovers
  • Offshore processing doesn’t go far enough: Abbott launches offworld detention
  • Rupert Murdoch surgery breakthrough to change medicine forever

4 Comments

  1. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says:
    September 27, 2013 at 8:10 am

    Now that is just wrong!

  2. The Tunnel says:
    September 27, 2013 at 10:24 am

    They started it!

  3. Lady Daa Doo says:
    September 27, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    This is a performance not to be missed! I’ve also heard a rumour that immediately after their performance, the Abbott daughters are being whisked away and flown to the Gold Coast. Where they are going into the Big Brother house as intruders.

  4. Leanne Winter says:
    September 27, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    Love it! Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I was so glad to have the election over with just to put an end to having to see those girls traipsing around after their father the lot of them grinning stupidly.

  • Previous story Abbott government takes direct action on annoying apple stickers
  • Next story Farty Party wins Senate seat in Western Australia
  • Subscribe to The Tunnel (It's free!)

    And get new stories in your inbox

  • The Tunnel presents header
  • The Tunnel : Not hacking your phone since 2011

    The Tunnel were Australian satire writers based in Brisbane, Queensland.

    The Tunnel presents… was our satirical blog. Most of our stories were (probably) made up.

    Thank you for reading. We appreciate it!

  • Looking for something?

  • Home
  • Follow The Tunnel

All content © The Tunnel