Who will be the first media organisation to get an interview with Schapelle Corby after her release from prison in Bali?
Channel 7 – and their star interviewer Mike Willesee – hopes it will be them.
But while they were busy dealing with the Indonesian authorities, a small Brisbane-based satire blog managed to steal a few words with the star of the show.
Read on, dear reader, as The Tunnel talks with Schapelle Corby.
Tunnel: Thanks for granting us this interview, Schapelle. On behalf of all Australians, we are honoured.
Schapelle: No wukkas, guys.
Tunnel: Before we get started, can you just confirm for the record that we have not paid you for this interview?
Schapelle: What the!!! I’m not getting paid???
Tunnel: Firstly, it’s kind of illegal at your end and, secondly, we have a yearly ‘miscellaneous bribery’ budget of ten bucks which already went towards cider for our graphic designer.
Schapelle: I get it. You won’t be giving any money to me. (wink)
Tunnel: We just went to the bathroom and couldn’t help noticing Mike Willesee hiding in your vanity.
Schapelle: Yeah, he’s been there since last Thursday. He said he’s stoked to be here, so all good.
Tunnel: But in your vanity?
Schapelle: He says he’s well known for the vanity thing.
Tunnel: Fair call. Do you mind if we say hi?
Schapelle: Go for it.
Tunnel: Hi, Mike!
Mike: (muffled) Don’t tell them anything!
Tunnel: So, Schapelle, nine years, eh? If you could sum it up in just one word, what would that word be?
Mike: (muffled) Shut it!
Tunnel: Um? Is that a Buddhist thing?
Mike: (muffled) Two… (cough) million! (splutter)
Schapelle: Er… Um…
Tunnel: Schapelle, the Australian Federal Police think you might have already done a deal with Channel 7.
Mike: (muffled) No! (cough, cough)
Schapelle: Um, no way.
Tunnel: What’s that noise? Schapelle, why is there a boogie board bag crawling out of your bathroom?
Schapelle: I don’t know. I didn’t put anything in it.
Boogie board bag: (muffled) Shut (cough) up!
Tunnel: Mike? Is that you in there?
Boogie board bag: (silence)
Tunnel: Schapelle, be honest. Have you done a deal with Mike?
Schapelle: No! I don’t do deals. I’m not a bloody dealer! How many times do I have to tell you people? Get out!!!
Tunnel: Okay, okay, settle down. We’re leaving. Bye, Mike.
Boogie board bag: (muffled) See you on Sunday Night. Suckers!
The Tunnel are Brisbane satire writers. For our latest stories, click HERE.